dj zak brown

While I certainly consider myself more a Ninja than a Pirate. I find that neither really suits me that well. I think it's time for a third catagory. Let's consider some other options:


Cowboys: Billy the Kid, Wyatt Erp, Anyone Clint Eastwood played, Cowboy Curtis, Ennis, Yosemite Sam.


Pros: No gayer than Pirates. Known to carry a 6-shooter. Ponies! They've got a good call, "Yeeeeeeehaw!" All American. Lots of great lines. Costuming is easy. Killing Indians.


Cons: Gender specific. Western stuff is out, way out. The Indian lobby. All American. Saddles Sores easily mistaken for herpes. Stinky. George W. Bush.


Astronauts/Space Explorers: Han Solo, Eric Larson, Luke Skywalker, Flash Gordon, Buck Rodgers, Barbarella, Captain Eo


Pros: SPACE! Light Sabres. Killing Aliens. Gender Neutral. 0 Gravity sex. Freeze Dried Ice Cream. Dark Side of the Moon.


Cons: 0 Gravity atrophy. Bulky Costumes. Someone might film you with your Light Sabre. Space Herpes. Trekkies. The Alien Lobby.


Spies: James Bond, Austin Powers, Boris and Natasha, The Avengers, Agent Cody Banks


Pros: Sexual Infiltraion. Gadgets. English Accent. Martinis. License to Kill. Classy and Smooth. Nice Tuxedo. Sweet car.


Cons: You'd never be able to say what you were, you'd just look like you just came from a wedding. Nemsis'. People keep blowing up your car. English Accent.


UPDATE: This has been brought to my attention. A very important point, but one that makes me feel even stronger that there must be more heroic archetypes out there.


UPDATE II: Bears: Smokey, Yogi, Fozzie, Baloo, Winnie the Pooh, Andrew Sullivan.


Pros: Honey. Fur. Admired in California and Berlin. No one calls you a fag and gets away with it. Hibernation. Taoism. Pickinik Baskets. Fish. Cuddling.


Cons: Can be smelly. Conan O'Brian. Steven Colbert. Hibernation. Obsessed with food.